Joy is arguably the most powerful force on the planet.
Prologue: The Time Joy Ambushed Me in a Grocery Store
Let me set the scene: I’m in Costco, a place where dreams go to die (or at least get bulk-bought and then forgotten in the back of a pantry). I’m pushing a cart the size of a small car, wearing my favorite old sweatpants with so many holes I’m basically half-naked, and I’m in the middle of a spiritual crisis. Not the big kind — just the quiet, gnawing “Am I doing this right?” kind that plagues peaceful moments.
Then, out of nowhere, a song comes on over the store speakers. It’s that song—the one I’ve loved since I was sixteen, the one that’s followed me through magnificent men (friends and lovers), career pivots, and at least three questionable haircuts. And suddenly, I’m not in Costco anymore. I’m sixteen again, in my bedroom, dancing and singing into a hairbrush like it’s a microphone and I’m the love child of Janis Joplin and Jim Hendrix. I’m gyrating and belting out the song in my naturally low, smoky voice — the one people have compared to Demi Moore for years — and now people are literally staring at me and smiling.
And then — oh no — I start crying. Not elegant, single-tear crying. Full-on, snot-bubbling, “please God, let no one I know see me right now” crying. Because the song is beautiful, yes, but also because life is ridiculous and I’m exploding with joy. Here I am, a grown-ass woman, having a mystical experience between the paper towels and the 20-pound bags of quinoa. And the absurdity of it? The absurdity is part of the joy.
That’s when I knew: joy isn’t just sacred. It’s sneaky. It doesn’t always announce itself with a choir of angels. Sometimes it hits you in the cereal aisle, disguised as a pop song from 1987.
Joy as Divine Currency (Or, Why God Has the Best Sense of Humor)
The Spiritual Economics of Joy
Let’s talk about God for a second. I’ve always imagined the divine as less of a stern judge and more of a delighted parent—you know, the kind who watches their kid try to ride a bike for the first time and is this close to bursting into laughter and applause. Because let’s be real: if God is love, and love is patient and kind, then love is also hilarious. Have you met humans? We’re a mess. We’re glorious, but we’re messy. And if the divine isn’t laughing with us, then I don’t want any part of it.
Joy, then, isn’t just a spiritual reward although it may be a blow job and a Slingerland drumset. It’s evidence we’re alive. It’s the universe’s way of saying, “Yes, I see you. And yes, I think you’re hilarious. Now here’s a sunset and a sudden urge to call your best friend and tell them you love them.”
Joy as Spiritual Warfare (Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Ridiculous)
I’ve had my fair share of dark nights of the soul. I’ve stared down possession, wrestled with demons (metaphorical and, let’s be honest, probably a few literal ones), and come out the other side with my faith intact — but my sense of humor sharpened.
Because here’s the truth: demons hate joy. They can’t stand it. It’s like garlic to vampires, or a surprise party to an introvert. Joy is light, and light exposes all the shadows. So when I’m feeling spiritually attacked, I don’t just pray. I laugh. I put on a song that makes me want to dance like no one’s watching (but let’s be honest, they should be because I dance better than most strippers). I text a friend a meme so stupid it’s transcendent. And suddenly, the darkness doesn’t seem so dark anymore.
This is joy as intercession. Not the solemn, incense-filled kind (though I love that too), but the kind that involves snort-laughing in the middle of a prayer. Because if God is infinite, then God’s sense of humor must be, too.
Eros and the Sacredness of Joy (Or, Why Flirting with Life Is a Spiritual Practice)
Joy as the Language of Love
Eros isn’t just about sex. It’s about desire — the kind that makes you lean into life instead of away from it. And joy? Joy is eros in its most playful form. It’s the spark that leaps between two people when they recognize each other. It’s the electricity of a first kiss, the warmth of a long embrace, the quiet contentment of lying next to someone you love, no words needed.
I wrote Magnificent Men because I believe men are undervalued in our culture, and that worshipping them — not in a way that diminishes us, but in a way that honors their magnitude — can bring us the hot and holy love we desire. But here’s the secret: that kind of love isn’t possible without joy. Joy is what makes love fun. It’s the difference between a relationship that’s a chore and one that’s a celebration.
I fantasize about my future husband often. I imagine the way he’ll laugh, the way he’ll hold me, the way we’ll challenge each other to grow. But more than anything, I imagine the joy we’ll share. The inside jokes, the spontaneous adventures, the quiet moments of gratitude. Because joy isn’t just the icing on the cake of love. It’s the flour in the batter. Without it, the whole thing falls apart. But you know what brings tears of joy to my eyes? Thinking of all the ways I can bring joy into his life.
Joy as an Act of Reverence (Or, How to Worship with Your Whole Self)
The Sacred in the Ordinary
Reverence isn’t just for cathedrals and rituals. It’s for the way the light slants through the trees in the late afternoon. It’s for the first sip of coffee in the morning, the way a child’s laughter can stop you in your tracks. Joy is the practice of reverence in everyday life.
But reverence isn’t passive. It’s an active choice. It’s the decision to slow down, to pay attention, to let yourself be moved. In a world that moves at a breakneck pace, joy is the radical act of saying, “This moment matters. This feeling matters. I matter.”
And sometimes, that looks like laughing so hard you snort. Sometimes, it looks like dancing terribly in the kitchen. Sometimes, it looks like texting someone a stupid meme because it delighted you. Because joy isn’t just serious reverence. It’s playful reverence. It’s the kind of reverence that involves a lot of laughing and maybe a little bit of crying, because life is that beautiful and that absurd.
The Joy of Sex
In 1972 there was a popular book called “The Joy of Sex” by Alex Comfort. At the time it was a revolutionary and bestselling illustrated guide to lovemaking known for its candid, playful, and comprehensive approach to human sexuality, emphasizing mutual pleasure, respect, and intimacy. Well, buttercup, the times they are a-changin’. If you haven’t noticed there’s been several sexual revolutions since then.
Everyone has their own view on sex. If you’ve read my writing you know I have a unique perspective on sex. I believe there should be lots of it and it should be as full of joy, laughter, worship, and devotion as humanly possible. If both people don’t end up screaming and laughing, well, you haven’t done it right. Do it again. And when you do end up screaming and laughing? Do it again. And again. And again.
Why Joy Can’t Be Ignored
I don’t know what the future holds. But I do know this: joy has saved me, again and again. It’s been the light in the darkness, the hand in the storm, the voice that whispers, “Keep going. And for the love of God, lighten up.”
And so I will. Because joy isn’t just the destination. It’s the way. It’s the dance. It’s the laugh. It’s the sacred ridiculousness of being alive.
So let us treat joy as sacred. Let us pursue it with the same fervor we pursue truth, or justice, or love. Let us allow it to break us open, to rewire our nervous systems, to remind us of who we truly are. And let us never, ever apologize for feeling alive.
Because joy isn’t just an emotion. It’s a revelation. And the world is waiting for us to receive it — with open arms, open hearts, and, if we’re lucky, a few snort-laughs along the way.
My Plans for You
Yes, you heard right: I have plans for you.
My plan is that you experience the same level of nonstop joy that I have been blessed with: The kind of life where you wake up in the morning feeling fully alive, so infused with joy that you kick your feet around under the sheets before you even get out of bed. You know with every ounce of your being: It’s going to be an extraordinarily beautiful day.
How do I know this kind of joy is possible for you? Because I feel it throughout each and every day.
So go forth and feel your joy. And make sure to share it with every person you meet. Because joy is contagious. And if we keep this up we can start a movement — a revolution of joy.
Randi Fredricks, Ph.D.
Chapter Companion Song Recommendation:
— Bluebird, Buffalo Springfield 1967
This article is an excerpt from Randi Fredricks, Ph.D.’s forthcoming book Magnificent Men: How Men Are Undervalued and How Worshipping and Being Worshipped Can Bring You The Hot and Holy Love You Desire, exploring the restoration of men’s dignity and worth, the sacred and sensual dimensions of intimacy, and hot and holy love.
References
Csikszentmihalyi, M. (1990). Flow: The psychology of optimal experience. Harper & Row.
Fredrickson, B. L. (2001). The role of positive emotions in positive psychology: The broaden-and-build theory of positive emotions. American Psychologist, 56(3), 218–226.
Fredrickson, B. L. (2009). Positivity. Crown Publishers.
Jung, C. G. (1964). Man and his symbols. Doubleday.
Porges, S. W. (2011). The polyvagal theory: Neurophysiological foundations of emotions, attachment, communication, and self-regulation. W. W. Norton.
Seligman, M. E. P. (2011). Flourish: A visionary new understanding of happiness and well-being. Free Press.
Tedeschi, R. G., & Calhoun, L. G. (2004). Posttraumatic growth: Conceptual foundations and empirical evidence. Psychological Inquiry, 15(1), 1–18.
Watts, A. (1975). Tao: The watercourse way. Pantheon Books.
Author Bio
Randi Fredricks, Ph.D. is a best-selling author, psychotherapist, and leading expert in counseling, communication, and human connection. Her first published study, released in 1993, explored the impact of family dysfunction on intimacy and communication in adult relationships. For more than three decades, she has developed innovative therapeutic models to help individuals and couples create deeper connection, emotional resilience, and extraordinary relationships. Her work explores the intersection of psychology, spirituality, humor, eroticism, and human magnificence, helping people live more fully, love more deeply, and embrace the extraordinary possibilities of a beautiful life.
