Young children often lack the verbal skills and emotional vocabulary to express their inner thoughts and feelings directly. For children under the age of 12—particularly those between 3 and 10—traditional talk therapy is often ineffective or even inappropriate. This is where play therapy becomes invaluable. It offers a developmentally appropriate, evidence-based intervention that allows children to communicate through play—arguably their most natural language.
When used in the context of family counseling, play therapy not only helps the child but also fosters healthier interactions within the family system. Marriage and Family Therapists (MFTs) trained in play therapy techniques are able to observe family dynamics, facilitate emotional expression, and improve parent-child relationships—all while the child engages in play.
This article explores the foundations of play therapy, its integration into family counseling, the specific techniques used, and the measurable benefits it offers to children and their families.
See also The Complete Guide to Marriage and Family Therapy: What It Is, How It Works, and Who It Helps
Understanding the Need: Why Play Therapy?
Developmental Considerations
Young children are still developing the cognitive and linguistic abilities needed to process abstract concepts like grief, divorce, or trauma. According to Piaget’s stages of cognitive development, children under the age of 7 are typically in the preoperational stage, meaning they rely on images, symbols, and play rather than logical reasoning.
Because of this, expecting children to verbally articulate complex emotional experiences can lead to misunderstanding or misdiagnosis. Play therapy allows Marriage and Family Therapists to meet the child at their level and access unconscious emotions and thoughts through metaphor, role play, and symbolic representation.
See also Helping Kids Cope with Divorce: What MFTs Want Parents to Know
Common Issues Addressed by Play Therapy
Play therapy is particularly effective for addressing:
- Attachment issues
- Anxiety and phobias
- Depression
- Grief and loss
- Divorce or separation
- Family conflict
- Behavioral issues
- Trauma and abuse
When these issues are rooted in or exacerbated by family dynamics, integrating play therapy into family counseling becomes essential.
See also Adolescent Anxiety and Depression: Role of the Family Therapist
What Is Play Therapy?
Play therapy is a therapeutic approach that uses play to help children express and process their emotions, improve communication, and resolve psychosocial challenges.
According to the Association for Play Therapy (APT), play therapy is “the systematic use of a theoretical model to establish an interpersonal process wherein trained play Marriage and Family Therapists use the therapeutic powers of play to help clients prevent or resolve psychosocial difficulties.”
Types of Play Therapy
There are two main modalities:
- Non-Directive (Child-Centered) Play Therapy: Developed by Virginia Axline, this method allows children to lead the play. The Marriage and Family Therapist provides a safe and accepting environment but does not direct the activity.
- Directive Play Therapy: In this model, the therapist actively introduces play materials, themes, or activities designed to address specific emotional or behavioral issues.
In family counseling, both approaches can be used depending on the family’s needs and the child’s emotional development.
Integrating Play Therapy into Family Counseling
Family therapy aims to improve communication, resolve conflict, and strengthen emotional bonds. When working with younger children, traditional family therapy methods may fall short due to children’s limited attention span and communication skills. Play therapy bridges this gap.
Why Integration Matters
When play therapy is integrated into family therapy:
- The child’s voice is included in therapy in a developmentally appropriate way.
- Parents observe and learn new ways to understand and relate to their child.
- Marriage and Family Therapists can assess family dynamics through play-based interactions.
It facilitates healing across generations, particularly when children act out inherited trauma.
Common Settings for Integration
- Filial Therapy: Involves training parents to conduct play therapy sessions at home, fostering empowerment and strengthening the parent-child bond.
- Dyadic Sessions: Includes the child and one parent playing together under the therapist’s guidance.
- Whole-Family Sessions: The entire family engages in structured play activities that reveal communication patterns, alliances, and sources of tension.
Techniques Used in Play-Based Family Therapy
Sand Tray Therapy
Children (and even parents) create scenes using miniature figures in a sandbox. These scenes often reflect internal experiences, conflicts, and hopes. Marriage and Family Therapists observe patterns, symbolism, and themes that guide treatment.
Art-Based Play
Drawing, coloring, and painting allow children to express feelings they may not yet understand verbally. Family art projects—such as drawing a “family tree of feelings”—can prompt insightful discussions.
Puppet Play
Puppets offer emotional distance and safety, allowing children to express fears or frustrations by projecting them onto characters. Puppet shows involving parent and child can reveal hidden relational dynamics.
Role-Playing and Fantasy Play
Marriage and Family Therapists may invite families to role-play typical conflicts, such as bedtime battles or mealtime struggles. This encourages empathy, reduces defensiveness, and provides insight into behavior patterns.
Storytelling
Marriage and Family Therapists may ask the child or family to create a story, often with metaphorical characters, that parallels real-life challenges. Therapists can then help the family reshape the narrative toward hope and resilience.
Games That Teach Emotional Regulation
Simple board games adapted for therapy can teach turn-taking, frustration tolerance, and emotion recognition—skills often lacking in children struggling with behavioral or mood issues.
Case Example: Play Therapy in a Divorced Family
Family: A recently divorced couple with a 6-year-old son, “Eli,” who had begun bedwetting, throwing tantrums, and refusing to visit his father.
Intervention:
In early sessions, Eli used figurines to act out scenarios of a child being “stuck” between two fighting parents.
In dyadic play therapy with his father, Eli initially refused to engage, eventually building a Lego wall between them.
Through storytelling and games, the therapist helped Eli express fear of losing his father’s love and loyalty conflicts with his mother.
With both parents, the therapist facilitated a family puppet play where each family member voiced their feelings about the divorce.
Over time, the family developed rituals for transitions between homes, and the father learned to engage Eli in child-centered ways during visits.
Outcome: Eli’s bedwetting ceased, tantrums decreased, and he began spending overnights with his father without protest. Parents reported improved co-parenting communication.
See also How Marriage and Family Therapists Support Children and Teens
The Role of the Marriage and Family Therapist
Marriage and Family Therapists trained in play therapy wear multiple hats:
- Observer: Watching how play reveals dynamics like parental favoritism or sibling rivalry.
- Interpreter: Helping parents understand the meaning behind play behavior.
- Coach: Guiding parents to respond more empathically and effectively to their child.
- Healer: Facilitating reconnection where trust has eroded, especially in cases of trauma, adoption, or separation.
Marriage and Family Therapists don’t just treat the child—they transform the relational environment in which the child lives.
Cultural Considerations
Culture shapes the meaning of play, family roles, and emotional expression. Marriage and Family Therapists must be culturally competent by:
- Understanding culturally specific toys, games, or storytelling traditions.
- Avoiding assumptions about parenting norms or attachment styles.
- Recognizing cultural stigmas around therapy and emotional vulnerability.
For example, in some cultures, expressive emotions like crying may be discouraged. Play therapy allows children to bypass these restrictions and communicate symbolically, in ways parents may be more comfortable observing and discussing.
Benefits of Play Therapy in Family Counseling
For the Child
- Emotional regulation
- Improved self-esteem
- Better communication skills
- Healing from trauma
- Strengthened attachment bonds
For the Parents
- Greater empathy and understanding
- New tools for connection and discipline
- Improved communication with co-parents
- Reduced guilt and frustration
For the Family System
- Healthier patterns of interaction
- Resolution of loyalty conflicts
- Increased family cohesion
- Preventive care against future behavioral issues
Research shows that combining family therapy with play-based techniques leads to better outcomes than individual therapy alone, especially for young children.
Evidence Supporting Play Therapy
Numerous studies validate the effectiveness of play therapy in family settings:
- Bratton et al. (2005) conducted a meta-analysis of 93 controlled outcome studies and found that play therapy had a significant positive effect, especially when parents were involved.
- Landreth & Bratton (2006) emphasized the power of filial play therapy in enhancing parent-child relationships.
- Ray, Armstrong, Warren, & Balkin (2005) found that child-centered play therapy was effective in reducing behavioral problems and anxiety in young children, particularly in family court-involved populations.
These findings underscore the systemic value of integrating parents and family structures into play-based interventions.
Limitations and Ethical Considerations
While play therapy is powerful, it’s not without challenges:
- Requires specialized training: Not all Marriage and Family Therapists are qualified play therapists.
- Takes time: Progress may be slower compared to directive cognitive-behavioral methods.
- Parental resistance: Some parents may view play as “frivolous” or irrelevant.
- Ethical boundaries: Therapists must carefully navigate confidentiality, especially in high-conflict families or custody disputes.
To address these, MFTs must educate caregivers about the developmental and scientific basis of play therapy, use informed consent, and follow guidelines set by the Association for Play Therapy and licensing boards.
Conclusion: Building Bridges Through Play
Play therapy in the context of family counseling offers a bridge between a child’s world and the adult world—a bridge built not of words but of symbols, stories, and shared experience. For younger children, especially those navigating anxiety, trauma, loss, or family transitions, play therapy becomes a lifeline for emotional survival and growth.
Marriage and Family Therapists who integrate play-based techniques empower not only the child but the entire family system to heal, connect, and thrive. By valuing play as a legitimate form of communication, therapists send a powerful message: every voice, no matter how small, deserves to be heard—and understood.
Dr. Randi Fredricks, Ph.D.
Author Bio
Dr. Randi Fredricks is a leading expert in the field of mental health counseling and psychotherapy, with over three decades of experience in both research and practice. She holds a PhD from The Institute of Transpersonal Psychology and has published ground-breaking research on communication, mental health, and complementary and alternative medicine. Dr. Fredricks is a best-selling author of books on the treatment of mental health conditions with complementary and alternative medicine. Her work has been featured in leading academic journals and is recognized worldwide. She currently is actively involved in developing innovative solutions for treating mental health. To learn more about Dr. Fredricks’ work, visit her website: https://drrandifredricks.com
References
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Bratton, S. C., Ray, D., Rhine, T., & Jones, L. (2005). The efficacy of play therapy with children: A meta-analytic review of treatment outcomes. Professional Psychology: Research and Practice, 36(4), 376–390. https://doi.org/10.1037/0735-7028.36.4.376
Landreth, G. L. (2012). Play Therapy: The Art of the Relationship (3rd ed.). Routledge.
Landreth, G. L., & Bratton, S. C. (2006). Child Parent Relationship Therapy (CPRT): A 10-Session Filial Therapy Model. Routledge.
Piaget, J. (1962). Play, Dreams, and Imitation in Childhood. Norton & Company.
Ray, D. C., Armstrong, S. A., Warren, H., & Balkin, R. S. (2005). Play therapy practices among elementary school counselors. Professional School Counseling, 8(4), 360–365.
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McMahon, L. (1992). The Handbook of Play Therapy. Routledge.
